In a culture that is steeped in “no pain no gain” – “fake it till you make it” – “effort before play” – “productivity over pleasure” – and “worldly success is the source of our happiness and worth”…, it’s easy to lose touch with our core self and the deepest, most authentic desires behind everything we do in the first place.

The end result is that we reach the end of our days feeling as though we’re missing out on our lives and utterly unhappy. There’s an emptiness that we can never seem to fill, no matter how much we do in the name of lasting happiness.

All the ways that we strive to feel better, get what we’re craving out of life, and be our best self ends up being done at the expense of our aliveness, joy, and soul-deep fulfillment.

It begs the question then, “How do we live in the modern world of achievement and goals without losing our connection to ourselves and our spirit?”

When you are fiercely devoted to being your best self and living a life that’s aligned with what matters most, it’s essential to have simple, practical strategies to navigate your days in a way that fuels – rather than stifles – your aliveness.

Vital Ingredient #1 – Design your daily practice

Have you ever gotten to the end of your day or week only to look back at what seems to be merely a blur that consisted of going through the motions and keeping up with a never-ending to-do list and the swirl daily responsibilities?

When we’re moving through our over-scheduled days at lightning speed, without taking the time to actually identify and connect with the experience we are truly after, the chances of experiencing it are slim to done.

That’s why taking time for YOU and committing to a ritual of aligning to your soul, being of service to your purpose, and gaining clarity around what you’re truly desiring out of life, while opening more fully to receiving it needs to become your daily vitamin.

While doing it first thing in the morning is a beautiful time to center-in and find alignment with your deepest Self, what’s most important is that you simply include it wherever it works well for you, knowing that you will receive all the benefits no matter what time of day fits your unique lifestyle.

What your daily practice looks like is yours to design, based on your creative inspiration, intuitive wisdom, needs, and desires.  A coach or mentor can be a powerful source of support to customize and refine your personal practice into one that not only nurtures – but also catalyzes – your expansion into more of who you know you are here to become.

Vital Ingredient #2 – Remember what feels good

 We’re wired to seek out what’s wrong. Our survival depended on it back in the days when any threat that could sneak up on us could cost us our life.

These days, this same strategy – what neuroscience refers to as the negativity bias – looks like an attitude and orientation that is heavily focused on:

• What’s wrong?
• What problems need to be fixed?
• Where am not measuring up?
• Where is my life deficient?
• How am I or how is my life NOT enough? Not enough of…. you fill in the blank

Essentially…where am I at risk of being rejected, of not being loved, not fitting in, not being approved of or accepted?

Our minds are constantly scanning for faults and failures rather than the delights, goodness, and successes of life to celebrate.

So what’s the first step to stop chasing and start experiencing happiness?

It starts with simply beginning to notice and remember what’s going well and what feels good.  If this is not your usual M.O., it will probably feel like work as you begin exercising a muscle that’s become atrophied. In a sense, it has after a lifetime of being dominated and hijacked by the survival brain.

Initially, it will require deliberate intention and consistent dedication to crowd out the old habit and cultivate new neural pathways, until allowing yourself to feel good and savor life’s myriad pleasures eventually becomes a new baseline from which to choose and operate.

Vital Ingredient #3 – Develop a relationship with that which is underneath and beyond the transitory nature of the material world

It’s easy to forget, so I’m here to remind you…..

You are the creator of your experience – NOT the circumstances you find yourself in.  And the power you have to choose your attitude and perspective, which ultimately determines your experience, is sourced from that aspect of you which does not come and go and which does not fluctuate whenever the weather of life does.

Living your most luminous life requires nurturing and continually taking up residence again and again in that aspect of you that can never be taken away, lost, or diminished by the vicissitudes of the human experience.

This means turning down the volume on the external noise, so that you can turn up the volume on your inner world and the reservoir of wisdom, solace, and well-being that lives within you and needs space to come forward into your life.

If the structure of meditation doesn’t resonate with you, then what does?

What brings you home to you?

What feeds your soul?

What activities nourish and enliven you at the deepest level?

Maybe it’s sitting by the ocean or under a tree, or gazing at the clouds or night sky to remember the vastness of the universe in which we live, or simply inserting that occasional pause to gaze up from your screen to take a deep breath and savor the beauty before you.

It all comes back to being even just a little more intentional with how you architect your day so that you are able infuse your life with the joy, freedom, sacredness, and soul you crave.

Salona Carlisle is a self-realization coach, transformational guide, and embodiment facilitator, who guides women on the journey into radical self-love and back to their essential wholeness. She is passionate about supporting her clients onto the path of their soul’s most magnificent unfurling, so they can experience the fulfillment and freedom of being fully expressed as all of women they aspire to become. Through her body-centered approach, Salona empowers her clients to experience the meaning and purpose they crave by intentionally creating an authentic, inspired life of their choosing.

Image courtesy of Matheus Bertelli.

The post 3 Vital Ingredients to Living a Luminous Life appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Six years ago, I was living the “American Dream” or so I thought. My life checked off all the boxes: married to my college sweetheart, two adorable (and very spunky) boys, successful legal career, big house, nice car.

And then a bomb went off that forever changed my life, my viewpoint on the meaning of life, and how I live my life. I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I learned quickly that there are different types of breast cancer. Some are slow growing (and much less deadly) and others are very aggressive and fast growing. Unfortunately, I had the aggressive type. The type that has a much higher mortality rate and higher recurrence rate.

In fact, my cancer was growing so fast that the doctors were obviously worried that the cancer had spread to other areas of my body. Which, of course, scared the living daylights out of me. So much so that I thought I was going to die (I even imagined what my funeral would look like and who would attend).

Obviously, I didn’t die. It’s now five years post treatment and I’m still here. I had caring doctors that acted quickly and started my treatment almost immediately. And I got into a drug trial that I believe saved my life. I’m unbelievably lucky to be alive and cancer-free right now (although there will always be the worry of recurrence).

Since it’s now Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I find myself reflecting on who I was before my diagnosis and how cancer changed me.

Cancer changes everyone it touches. 

There is life before diagnosis and life after it. And life after a cancer diagnosis is never the same. My life certainly isn’t.

But I’m genuinely grateful for the gifts that cancer brought to me. Because I’ve changed for the better and live a much richer life than I did before my cancer diagnosis.

I’m the oldest of five. And, as the oldest, I’ve always been the go-to sibling for advice and support. Even my parents would seek me out for guidance. And boy did I thrive in this role. I loved being thought of as the “strong” one. The person with all the answers and who always had it together.

But then I became the patient. Which felt weak and vulnerable. And vulnerability was never something I was comfortable with. Enter cancer. I quickly learned that I had no choice but to be vulnerable. Because I obviously was vulnerable. And I hated it.

What did I do? I ignored it, of course, and pretended that I was fine. I told people I felt good (even though I felt awful). I put a positive spin on almost everything (even though I was worried I was going to die). And I would put on a fake smile (even though I was screaming and crying on the inside).

In short, I was lying to myself and everyone around me (and clearly no one was fooled). Which made me feel even worse and exhausted me.

I knew that I needed to let go.

Up until this point in my life, I didn’t understand what it meant to “let go”. I was the ultimate control freak and couldn’t fathom how to actually let go. But, over the course of my treatment, I was forced to learn.

Letting go meant that I had to let go of: my need to control everything (including my emotions), pretending to be okay when I wasn’t, ignoring the bad (and trying to put a positive spin on it), and pushing my emotions and feelings to the back of the line. It meant allowing myself to feel whatever emotions and feelings presented themselves to me. And to just be.

And guess what? The world didn’t come crashing in on me when I let go. It kept moving and I kept living.  And I didn’t feel as exhausted as I once had.

In fact, I learned that I could draw mental and emotional strength and energy from those around me. Because I finally let them in. I discovered that, once I allowed myself to be completely vulnerable, I could fully accept their help. And that I had been refusing their help until that moment.

Cancer reminded me that the point of living is to love one another and connect with our fellow man. 

But there’s more to it than extending help and love to others when they need you. Because, if you’re truly going to love and connect with people, you must accept the help and love that others try to bestow upon you.

This process of letting go and admitting my vulnerability was scary. Because it meant admitting to myself who I really was on the inside (and I was afraid of who I would meet). But I realized that it’s much scarier not to let go than it is to ignore my feelings and my vulnerability. I needed to learn and grow from this experience.  Had I not let go, I would have learned nothing – stunting my growth as a human being.

Change requires honesty about who you are because you can’t change if you’re not brutally honest about what needs changing.

So, who did I see when I looked inside?

Part of my chemotherapy was something not-so-lovingly called the “red devil”. And boy does it deserve the name. It looks a lot like red Jell-O and it certainly has the devil inside of it. And that devil made me feel like I was in Hell for a period of 9-10 days post-treatment. I felt as though I was being torn apart from the inside. About the time I’d start to feel okay, I was due for another treatment.

After my second treatment, I was ready to give up. There was a voice inside my head telling me that I couldn’t take any more of the chemotherapy. I couldn’t believe that I seriously contemplated quitting, so I tried to ignore it. But I knew deep down that I was serious.

Finally, I told my husband that I didn’t want to continue. The girl who was always self-assured and mentally tough was ready to give up. The girl who had initially bargained with God and told Him I’d do ANYTHING to live for my boys was about to quit. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

But a funny thing happened once I admitted this aloud and stopped pretending that it wasn’t real. Within a few days of coming to terms with wanting to quit, I changed my mind. Not only did I continue treatment, but my symptoms became easier to deal with. I still felt horribly, but mentally I was stronger.

What happened?

Being real with myself was a necessary step to recovery and moving past my demons.

Letting go includes coming face to face with the worst of yourself, which is necessary to climb out of the abyss. I was at rock bottom, but I knew that there was nowhere to go but up. And I’ve been climbing upward ever since – and changing my life for the better as a result.

Although I was happy practicing law, my purpose and passions have changed and have led me to leave the law for something new and more exciting. I’m no longer afraid to show who I am and be vulnerable – because I now know that it’s not weak to show vulnerability. Admitting and showing vulnerability requires courage and mental strength. Plus, if fully accepted, it can help guide you to be the person you want to be.

Besides, we’re all vulnerable. Our human-ness mandates vulnerability. Refusing and/or ignoring this simple fact is the real weakness.

Although life is messy and hard, I know now how beautiful life and the people in it are. Those people whom I let into my life that lifted me up in my time of need showed how special human beings really are. And how inspiring simple acts of kindness can be.

So, am I grateful that I had cancer? Heck no. Wondering whether you’ll live or die and worrying about it coming back sucks. But I am grateful for the lessons I learned while going through my cancer battle. Lessons that I would not have discovered otherwise.

And now I’m living life my way –  all out and unafraid. And I know at the end, I’ll be able to say that I lived my life well. Because I’ll have lived a life full of meaning, that was free and unrestricted, and that achieved success on my terms. Which is the true American dream.

How about you? Are you ready to embrace your vulnerability and see where it leads you? In the comments below, I’d love to hear your answer – and why you are (or aren’t) ready to go there.

Heather Moulder is a transformational and success coach and founder of Course Correction Coaching who specializes in helping professionals transform their lives from overwhelmed, stressed, and lacking purpose and passion to having a meaningful life they’re passionate about (with real balance).  She lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband, two boys, and two cats (who think they’re humans).  Connect with Heather through her newsletter, on Facebook, or on Instagram.

Image courtesy of Ultra_Nancy.

The post What Breast Cancer Taught Me That I’m Thankful For appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

An evening chakra tuning is one of my favorite meditation practices, and it’s actually the most popular guided meditation people seek on my website.

I took my first step into that realm more than 15 years ago, when I stumbled into what I thought was a simple hatha yoga class that turned out to be a two-hour chakra awakening session. In that class, I learned that according to ancient Vedic wisdom, there are seven major energy centers in the body. These are known as chakras, a term that derives from the Sanskrit word cakram, meaning “turning” or “wheel.”

Each chakra has a specific color associated with it, as well as a vibrational mantra that opens or tunes the energy flow in each of our energy centers. This tuning is similar to opening up additional lanes on a highway. When the traffic has broader bandwidth, it can flow more easily and quickly.

Chakra meditation is powerful because it opens you up to a more universal flow at the level of your personal physiology, your emotional state, and your spiritual awareness.

In the Vedic tradition, they start with the most earthbound and weighty and move upward to the more subtle, getting lighter and lighter until they reach the state of pure ether. Let’s explore each of the seven main chakras in a little more detail to set the foundation for the meditation.

First Chakra

The first chakra, also called the root or base chakra, is known in Sanskrit as the Muladhara (pronounced moola-dara). This is your personal connection to groundedness, stability, connection, and community, and therefore it is the heaviest of chakras. This foundational chakra is the platform for everything we create in the physical world. The root chakra is located at the tip of the tailbone and is essentially your contact point to the earth when you sit on the floor or ground. This is the site of your physical connection to the world. Traditionally, the Muladhara is associated with the color red. During a chakra tuning, this root is where the foundational flow of the universe’s energy enters you. So the flow of anything from the unmanifest, the unseen, the unbirthed, or the infinite enters here. The vibration or mantra for the first chakra is Laam.

Second Chakra

The second chakra also called the sacral or sex chakra, is known in Sanskrit as the Svadhisthana (pronounced svah-dee-shtana) chakra. This is your personal connection to creativity—your own and that of the universe. It is located three fingers below your navel. It is traditionally associated with the color orange. The most powerful energy on the planet is creative energy. And it is the energy of birthing that transforms the unmanifest into the manifest, thought into action, concept into product, idea into utterance, and desire into fulfillment.

When the second chakra is balanced, you are full of possibilities. You move in the direction of your dreams, and you know that you are deserving of them. The vibration or mantra for the second chakra is Vaam.

Third Chakra

The third chakra, also called the solar plexus chakra, is known in Sanskrit as the manipura (pronounced monny-poora). This chakra moves you forward and helps you follow through in the direction of the seeds you’ve planted in the fertile ground of your second chakra. The manipura is located in the center of your chest at your solar plexus, a few inches below the joining of your rib cage. This is essentially the center of your body, where your emotional and physical digestive fires burn most brightly. This radiating power plant moves you toward your target and awakens your personal, internal strength to achieve your intentions and desires. Traditionally it is associated with the color yellow. This chakra has also been referred to as the sun or Surya chakra (surya means “sun” in Sanskrit), because the golden yellow sun that radiates from the solar plexus is ever evolving, metabolizing, and transforming us in every moment.

When we harness the energy of the solar plexus chakra, we find empowerment and transformation. The vibration or mantra for the third chakra is Raam.

Fourth Chakra

The fourth chakra, also called the heart chakra, is known in Sanskrit as the Anahata (pronounced anna-hatta) chakra. This is your personal connection to love, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and peace. The Anahata is located near your physical heart, in the center of your chest. You can place your hands on your heart right now and breathe in and feel the love flowing in and out of you.

That’s your Anahata—your true Buddha nature. Traditionally, it is associated with the color green. The world could always use a bit more love, and each of us could also always use a bit more love. We never can have enough.

To get the love flowing, you need to love yourself first, which is difficult for many of us. What’s the challenge? We have built barriers to receiving love. We tell ourselves, “I’m not worthy,” “I don’t deserve it,” or, “Others deserve it more than me.” Or sometimes we simply feel “less than.” When we awaken our heart chakra, love radiates around us, to us, and out into the world.

If we are going to share our gifts with the world, we need to fill ourselves first. It’s similar to when you board a plane and the flight attendant says something along the lines of, “If the cabin decompresses, oxygen masks will drop down. If you’re traveling with a child, please make sure you put the mask on yourself first before you place it on the child.”

The vibration or mantra for the fourth chakra is Yaam. Several Sanskrit scholars have also said the vibration can be pronounced as Yum.

Fifth Chakra

The fifth chakra, also called the throat chakra, is known in Sanskrit as the Vishuddha (pronounced vi-shoo-da) chakra. This connects you to expressing both your personal Self and your most universal Self. It is located at the center of your neck in the middle of your throat. Traditionally it is associated with the color blue.

The throat chakra is where we communicate, emote, and give ourselves permission to express. Congestion in the throat chakra is often a sign that you are repressing some aspect of yourself, not willing to admit something to yourself, or that you are withholding permission from yourself to do something. This is the chakra that is the last doorway to the lighter, higher chakras and the more ethereal nature of Self. Before there can be a growth breakthrough or a step into the next chapter of your life, you must give yourself permission to move forward in some way—something you have long denied or repressed.

When this chakra opens, you have truly given yourself permission to let the universe work through you. You are willing to let your voice be heard! The vibration or mantra for the fifth chakra is Haam. Some scholars also pronounce this mantra as Hum.

Sixth Chakra

The sixth chakra, also called the third-eye chakra, is known in Sanskrit as the Ajna or Ajana (pronounced ahjj-na) chakra. This is your personal connection to source, insight, and intuition, essentially the doorway to what the 9th-century sage Adi Shankara referred to as the “causal realm.” It is located in the middle of the lower forehead, between your eyes and up a bit.

Traditionally, the sixth chakra is associated with the color purple. Throughout time, in many different cultures, there has been a distinct relationship between the third eye and mystical or spiritual properties. It is considered the connecting point between your personal Soul and the universal Spirit—essentially where all your discernment and intuition rests.

The vibration or mantra for the sixth chakra is Shaam. When we awaken this chakra we begin to really see, and make more conscious choices.

Seventh Chakra

The seventh chakra, or crown chakra, is known in Sanskrit as the Sahaswara (pronounced sah-ha-swa-rah) or thousand-petaledlotus chakra. This is your connection to the unbounded, infinite, expanding flow of the universe. It is located at the crown of your head and is often depicted in art as the Hindu deity Shiva, spouting the Ganges River from the top of his head. Traditionally, it is associated with the color white or ultraviolet—beyond the spectrum of all colors.

This is the chakra in which everything that has just flowed through you flows back out into the universe. When one has limiting beliefs, opening up the crown chakra provides you access to the entire universe of possibilities. This is you in your most universal state, surrendering your individuality and ego for cosmic consciousness and moving from multiplicity into one-ness. The vibration or mantra for the seventh chakra is Om.

There are some schools of chakra practice that use the vibration Om for the sixth chakra and teach that the vibration of the seventh chakra is beyond sound. Please feel free to follow the practice that feels most comfortable to you.

Over the years, I have recorded many chakra meditations, and several can be found online. On my first album Fill What is Empty; Empty What is Full, I created a healing chakra meditation called “Heal Your Body” that uses the chakra mantras and additional vibrations to take you to a deep place of physical and emotional healing. On Guided Affirmations, Channeling the Universe through the Chakras, I was inspired by the artisanship of Karla Refoxo’s Tulku Chakra Amulet Collection and the affirmations she has woven into the charged chakra amulets she creates in Nepal.

In that 20 minutes of “energy meditation,” you open each chakra, and as you tune each one through the power of affir-mations, you access the universal traits in each energy center to empower yourself. There are many other resources that can offer you a chakra meditation that lasts from five minutes to an hour. Whatever you choose, I encourage you to explore some form of chakra practice to experience a unique and healing opening.

davidji is a globally recognized mindbody health & wellness expert, mindful performance trainer, meditation teacher & author of Amazon’s Best Seller destressifying: The Real-World Guide to Personal Empowerment, Lasting Fulfillment, and Peace of Mind and Secrets of Meditation: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace & Personal Transformation, & winner of the Nautilus Book Award. Connect with him on . davidji.com Facebook, YouTube and Twitter.

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I was doing my weekly shop and quite frankly on autopilot, when it came time for me to actually drive out of the centre.

I systematically got my parking ticket out and was about to just put it into the machine when I noticed a sticker placed so aptly below the ticket slot.

You deserve to take up space in the world.

Soak that in for a minute.

It stopped me in my tracks.

Not only did it shift me back into the present, leaving auto mode behind, it filled me with a sense of awe.

Someone took out the time to think & print out these stickers to remind others of their value.

You deserve to take up space in the world.

I drove home in a contemplative state.

Do I feel like I deserve to take up space?

What does space even mean to me?

The answers came.

For me, taking up space is linked to feeling worthy.

When you feel worthy you take up space because you feel deserving of it.

Not in a brutish, obstructive way but in a way of least resistance.

A fluid sense of being…

That this experience on planet earth is a wild ride and that because you are here (and for that simple reason alone),

YOU DESERVE to take up space.

I take up space most of the time and I feel okay about it.

When I don’t it’s because a fear-based thought has taken hold of me and I end up trying to diminish myself in an attempt to protect myself.

Taking up space also means recognizing the spaces which could be better for you. That could be a:

head space
heart space
house space
work space
body space

What space comes to mind for you? Let me know in the comment section below.

On the off chance (synchronicity and all) that you are the person who created this sticker, THANK-YOU. It was the heartfelt nudge that I needed!

Athena Laz is a licensed psychologist, self-help author and wellness columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine (SA ed). You can see her work here.

Image courtesy of bardia hashemirad.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger on being a self-made man:

“I came over here with absolutely nothing. I had $20 in the pocket and some sweaty clothes in a gym bag. But let me tell you, I had this one little apartment and on Thanksgiving, the bodybuilders from Gold’s Gym came to my apartment and they brought me pillows, dishes, silverware, all of the things I didn’t have. None of us can make it alone. None of us. Not even me, who’s been the Terminator and went back in time to save the human race. Not even me, that fought and killed predators with his bare hands.

“I always tell people that you can call me anything that you want, but don’t ever, ever call me a self-made man. It gives the wrong impression, that we can do it alone. None of us can. The whole concept of the self-made man or woman is a myth. I would have never made it in my life without the help. I want you to understand this because as soon as you know you are here because of a lot of help, then you also understand that now it’s time to help others. That’s what this is all about.”

Even though I write a lot about independence and self-reliance, I also try to be aware of other factors that allowed those values to foster and develop, at least in my case.

I was fortunate to have parents who cared for me. I also had various privilege—racial, gender, socioeconomic, citizenship, etc.

And then, of course, I had a lot of help… which is why, like the Terminator, I believe that now is the time to help others.

Chris Guillebeau is the New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness of Pursuit, The $100 Startup, and other books. During a lifetime of self-employment, he visited every country in the world (193 in total) before his 35th birthday. Every summer in Portland, Oregon he hosts the World Domination Summit, a gathering of creative, remarkable people. His new book, Born for This, will help you find the work you were meant to do. Connect with Chris on Twitter, on his blog, or at your choice of worldwide airline lounge.

Image courtesy of DrCartoon.

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Yesterday, I faced all my deepest fears. Conjured them up, wrote them down, and had a good look at them.

When I boil them down to their essentials, my deepest fears are the same as most people’s. Fear of loss. Fear of failure. Fear of inadequacy. Fear of letting my loved ones down. Fear of not being seen. And fear that the Spirit realm isn’t real, which is arguably one version of fear of being alone.

The scariest part about facing my deepest fears is that acknowledging them doesn’t make them disappear. I could, and most likely will lose people I love. I could fail to achieve my goals due to my own inadequacy. My fear of not being seen is bound to come true many times in my lifetime. Being human, I’m likely to let my loved ones down at some point. It’s not impossible that I’ll loose my faith in Spirit and gain back the sense of aloneness I carried with me before my belief systems shifted.

Realizing this, my next question was: If deeply feeling these fears doesn’t stop them from coming true, why do I have them? What is the purpose of fundamental fears? Is there one?

To understand why I asked this question, you have to be introduced to my deep respect for fear. My belief that fear serves a very important and powerful purpose in our lives. When we sense danger, our fears comes forward, to bring us into the present moment, quiet us and sharpen our awareness. When facing an immediate threat to our safety such as a swerving car, our fear comes forth in a surge of adrenaline that helps us to take quick and decisive action to get out of the way and protect ourselves. If we allow it to, fear will tell us exactly when to run, fight or freeze.

Fear does all this by bringing us an incredibly powerful energy of intense focus.

So lately I’ve been working really hard on letting go of my lifelong habit of distracting myself from intense emotions. At this point, I never avoid feeling my feelings for very long, but my immediate response to intense emotions is still distraction. I spent a long time approaching this self-improvement goal from this angle of breaking my distraction habit. I recently realized (with a nudge from a Spirit Guide) that I also needed to cultivate focus.

I couldn’t simply break the habit of distraction without having a habit of focus to replace it.

This is what lead me to facing all my deepest fears yesterday. I’d been asking my Guides for help with letting go of distraction and welcoming focus. In response, they’ve been trying to help me get comfortable with fear.

Yesterday, I was in the huge half-wooded cemetery near my house where I go get away from the urban buzz of humanity and do my weekly shamanic practice of connecting with myself, nature and Spirit. I’d been feeling a lot of fear and didn’t know what to do with it so I asked my Guides for help. After preparing my energy, they instructed me to listen to the voice of my fear. To sit and breathe and just let the energy come forward without trying to push it down or reassure myself.

If you’ve never sat down and fully embraced fear, let me describe what you’re missing. It started with the sickening feeling in the stomach that you’re all familiar with. Then, as I kept breathing and focused on that nauseousness, it expanded into intense, dizzying rolling waves of fear. My breath quickened and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I kept breathing, and allowed the waves to move, and eventually they broke and crashed into a buzzing clarity. Every atom in my body pulsed, all fearful thoughts flooded out of my mind and were replaced with a complete certainty about exactly what I needed to do right now. Suddenly it was perfectly clear what was going on in my inner and outer world and I knew exactly what I needed to do about it.

I knew I needed to draw out all my deepest fears, right there and then.

Drawing from the sharply focused energy of fear, I brainstormed and wrote out my list. I spent a while getting comfortable with looking at all of them on the page in front of me. My Guides told me that I needed to do this to overcome my fear of fear, fully receive the benefits of focus that fear brings, and finally shift my distraction habit. For this reason, I was very glad to have completed the exercise.

But I also wondered, what is the point of these fears? If having them and facing them doesn’t stop them from coming true, why I do have these deep fears?

It is my curiosity around this question that drove me to write this post today. Sitting down at my computer, I was hit with a wave of fear. My first reaction was: thanks fear! I welcome your turbo focus powers to this blogging enterprise.

Then I began to wonder, perhaps writing this blog post is actually bringing up some of my deepest fears. If people misunderstand it, I could feel unseen. What if I’m inadequate at writing? What if my blog and YouTube channel don’t resonate and I ultimately fail at my goal of becoming a full-time professional energy healer because of it?

Suddenly the answer to my question became clear.

The purpose of my deepest darkest fears is the same as the purpose of regular daily fear that comes up in response to a threat.

To help me focus.

If I allow my fear to flow, become centered in the present and focused on the task at hand every time one of my deepest fears is conjured, it will make them less likely to happen.

These deep fears are an incredible gift. They give us a long-term powerful reserve of intense focus that becomes immediately available whenever we’re doing the things that matter most to us.

My fears of loss and letting my loved ones down can help me stay focused on caring for and supporting them. My fear of being alone can help me focus my mind and connect with Spirit. My fear of not being seen can help me focus on making genuine connections with people. And my fears of inadequacy and failure can bring me focus to help with all things professional.

So while facing all of my deepest fears was certainly, well, scary, it is also one of the most exciting, empowering and powerful things I have ever done. Knowing that I have this powerful innate tool of fear-induced focus to help prevent all my worst nightmares from coming true, has opened up a wider space for my dreams.

Mika Miles is a queer, feminist Shamanic Healer and Reiki Master based out of Philadelphia, PA. She enjoys singing, fighting the patriarchy, taking care of her special needs cat, frolicking with friends and spending time alone in cemeteries. The focus of her practice is the connection between personal healing and collective transformation. Mika works with clients one-on-one at a distance and locally in Philadelphia. Find her online here, where she offers a variety of Shamanic Healing, Reiki, and channeling services.

Image courtesy of Fifaliana.

The post The Incredible Power That Lies in Facing Our Deepest Fears appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Scot Cohen is the best networker on the planet. I have never seen anything like it. And he used that skill to make tens of millions of dollars, not only for himself but for many others.

I wanted him to explain, in detail, how.

But first:

I’m sorry, Scot. I am really, truly sorry. I am horrified at my behavior. A year of bad behavior.

***

Imagine: you owe someone a phone call and you say to yourself, “Ok, I’ll call tomorrow”.

And then tomorrow you say, “Well, maybe tomorrow”.

They have been nothing but generous with you. But still…you put it off one more day. “What’s one day?” I said to myself.

And then you delayed so much you feel awkward about calling. Because you know you have to apologize and you hate confrontation.

Stupid, right?

Let’s make this even worse: the person you have to call back let you stay in his apartment for three months for free. You’ve worked together for 14 years and he’s one of the most successful investors in NYC.

And then you moved out of his place and you were too awkward to ever call him again.

I’m an idiot.

***

The day I threw out all of my belongings and gave up my apartment I was sitting in a restaurant with my one bag and I called Scot Cohen. I said, “I’m just sitting in this restaurant.”

“Where are you going to live?”

“I have no idea yet.” I could’ve just stayed in a hotel. But for various reasons I was feeling a bit down. I just wanted to sit in the restaurant. I had no idea where I would live.

My brain had turned off. Has that ever happened to you?

“Come on over,” Scot said. “Stay here.” And so I did. For the next three months I stayed in one of Scot’s several apartments.

I invested in Scot’s hedge fund in 2003. We’ve worked together on and off for 14 years.

Sometimes it worked out. And sometimes it didn’t.

He’s made tens of millions, invested in dozens of companies that went up 1000s of percent, and I am glad that, in my own small way, I was able to help him in several situations. .

When you build your network over years, over decades, and your network is made up of good people, they help you out. They let you move in their apartment. You work on deals together. You meet each other’s girlfriends who become wives.

And then sometimes you let them down and you have to apologize.

So I did.

But I’m so awkward and non-confrontational I could only do it on my podcast. I feel like a weirdo.

But that’s how I did it.

I hadn’t seen Scot in a year. I had stupidly avoided his calls. And so I said, “come on to the podcast and that’s where I will apologize”.

And then let’s talk about how you became the best networker I know by far.

Scot came to NYC with nothing. With zero.

But he had a skill that is worth tens of millions at the highest level. It’s networking at a level I’ve never seen before or since.

***

One time, a year earlier, I was sitting in his apartment. Scot rushed in, changed into a suit and rushed out.

It was Sunday night, 8 o’clock at night. He was rushing  from tennis with one hedge fund manager to the wedding of one of his investors.

That’s how he made himself so successful. He networks seven days a week. All day long.

I just sit around and fall asleep early.

And by “network”, I don’t mean (AT ALL!) that he spends time with people just to get some purpose out them. That is not networking. That is manipulation.

Networking is when you create your “scene” over years. The people you can help. The people you learn to help. The people who can connect some dots and you become happy when you can introduce them to people who connect other dots.

Networking is when you create a far bigger family around you than you could have ever imagined.

I asked him on the podcast how he did it. How can I do it? How can anyone do it?

Here’s what I feel are the Ten Commandments of Networking as per Scot.

He goes into much more depth in the podcast. But here’s what I specifically remember by watching him in action over the years.

1)SELF-AWARENESS

“Do self-work,” he said. Some things you are good at. Some you aren’t. Some things you like. Some you don’t.

Networking is not about calling people you know. It’s  about helping where you provide value. And that requires, before anything else, understanding who you are, what you need to learn, the value you can deliver, and when you need help to deliver  that value.

2) NETWORKING IS NOT LINEAR

A “personal network” is not valued by the number of your names in your rolodex.

It’s valued by how many of those names in that rolodex know each other.

Because, for all of those people who are helping each other…who is at the center?

3) “I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP…”

Scot always seems to have that on the tip of his tongue. For any situation, he remembers who he’s worked with in the past 30 years that can help in that situation.

He’s not always right. But he always tries.

4) SAY, “YES”

Someone is celebrating an event in their life. Help them celebrate it. Make it better because you are there.

It’s interesting that the first rule of successful improvisation is “Always say ‘Yes’.”

That’s Scot’s starting point.

I once watched Scot in a negotiation with the CEO of an oil company based in China that is probably worth over $500 billion.

The guy RIPPED into Scot. Destroyed him. Essentially calling him an idiot.

Scot said, “I hear you and I agree with everything you’re saying. Assuming we can resolve all of these issues, and we WILL work on everything you just said, can we move closer to a way in which we can help you.”

The CEO was taken aback. He said, “Of course!”

When Alice Walton (daughter of Walmart founder Sam Walton, worth about $20 billion), needed someone to go to Eastern Europe and Russia as the economic walls were crumbling in the mid-90s, the much younger Scot Cohen was the only one who jumped up and said, “I’ll go”.

Nobody was an expert then. It was the wild west.

The difference between the experts and the non-experts were the people who simply said, “I’ll go”.

It was that simple.

Alice Walton became a connection for life.

5) IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA

As far as I know, Scot doesn’t have a single social media account. He doesn’t post pictures of his meals. He doesn’t hit “Like” of his friends’ pictures of their gardens.

It’s not about social media. It’s about being personally social.

6) PERMISSION NETWORKING

Scot never sends me an email that said, “James meet Alex. Alex, meet James. You guys should meet.”

First he calls me and says, “This is why Alex might be helpful to you. Does this sound like someone you might want to meet?”

This doesn’t happen over one phone call. Sometimes it might be a dozen phone calls.

He makes the same calls to Alex. Then he will make the introduction, usually over a dinner.

I have written about this before. Probably many times. But the reason is…because I learned it from Scot.

7) FACE TO FACE

Last week, I think I spoke to Scot four times. One time he was in San Diego, another  time in LA, another time in Oklahoma(!), and another time in NYC.

Each time he was either entering a meeting or going to one. He doesn’t say “No” to a face to face meeting.

I will never be able to do this. But this is part of self-awareness.

8) BUILD A NETWORK OF GOOD NETWORKERS

One of the businesses Scot is involved in is an oil company. Does Scot know anything about oil?

Maybe now he does. But for eight years he was struggling with it.

But now the CEO of his company is the ex CEO of a former oil company that got sold for billions. And his advisors on the company are all ex CEOs of billion dollar oil companies.

And Scot STILL goes to all the meetings in person. But now he has good, smart people telling him which meetings are the important ones to go to.

You can’t call up people and ask them to join your network. He had to spend eight years proving he belonged in that industry before his network could start expanding there.

9) KEEP A DIARY

“If you don’t write stuff down, how are you going to go anywhere? You’re not going to remember where you came from.”

“I think it’s really important to be able to quantify what you’re doing during the day,” he said. “You’ve got to keep account of how you’re spending your time. That’s the most important thing.”

Scot is my age. The past three decades are mostly a blur for me. Some days I met people, some days I didn’t’. I now forget most of them.

Scot has everything written down. About everyone. He knows what they do, what they need, what he likes about them, what he can call them for, what makes them laugh, what they do that makes him laugh, who he can trust, why he can trust them, who to avoid, and on and on.

It’s never too late to start doing that. During the podcast, Scot showed me one of his diaries. It was over 20 years old. It was DETAILED.

I’m nervous to see the various entries through the years that might mention me.

10) MAKE IT FUN

The goal is not to make money tomorrow. Or today. Or even a year from now.

Have fun with people.

18 months ago I went to a dinner Scot had. At the dinner was a pro basketball player, a famous novelist, a former police chief, me, a hedge fund manager, and three or four other diverse people (I wish I kept a diary and then I can say exactly who).

Scot kept asking questions around the table to keep the conversation going at a fast pace and filled with stories.

No business was discussed. I sort of remember the conversation: art, sports (everyone laughed when I asked the basketball player if he played basketball – I had no clue), the craziest stories I’ve ever heard about the police, relationships and on and on.

I can’t remember ANYTHING about investing or business.

And yet…18 months later…I know Scot has now put together a business in the law enforcement space based on the people in that room in that day.

Scot puts people together. Has fun. And then the brainstorming starts.

All of this is the same as saying:

Plant seeds.

Start early or start late. It doesn’t matter. The two best days to start something is five years ago…and today.

But plant them.

“Surround yourself with great people. I don’t care if it’s a plumber. I don’t care if he’s a construction worker. I don’t care if it’s a teacher, a police officer, a guy in the gym, somebody that you met at the grocery store. It doesn’t matter, but just make sure they’re kind. Make sure they’re aligned with where you want to go…”

And that all said, I will say it one more time because I feel really bad.

Scot, I’m sorry.

James Altucher is the author of the bestselling book Choose Yourself, editor at The Altucher Report and host of the popular podcast, The James Altucher Show, which takes you beyond business and entrepreneurship by exploring what it means to be human and achieve well-being in a world that is increasingly complicated. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

The post The Best Networker on the Planet. Period. appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

It’s always a good time to let go of whatever is holding you back. [Astrologically speaking, it’s PRIME TIME to give it all UP.] For your inspiration:

I give up: Resistance to love. Judgements that keep me separate from people. Doubt — all the d-mn doubts that I’ve ever had. Every single one of them. Twice.

I give up attack. I give up arrogance. I give up stifling fear. I give up being too serious. I give up my lineage. Yes, even that. May we all be free.

I give up second-guessing that I deserve respect.

I give up the creeped out recoiling in my muscles from times when they tried to cop a feel, got too close, tried to sip some shakti when they should have cleaned up their act and relied on their own resources.

Fear of being disliked? SIGNIFICANTLY reduced to minuscule. Lack of deserving? Bye. Seven hundred times, goodbye.

I give up losing my sense of humour when it could turn everything around in a sweet second. Because, come on, it’s usually pretty funny.

I give up that gross-whelmed feeling that comes after you read any women’s magazine –– of being too fat, too short, too normal, too frizzy, too hungry, and generally not well-lit everywhere I go.

I give up staying up too late because I think I owe something more to the day that I just gave my everything to. I give up being down on myself because I still harbour some resentment. I give up the resentment.

I give up allergies, picking my skin, checking just one more email, going too long without eating, and over-working.

I give up working within the exploitive ideologies of capitalism that are fed to us from all directions. I will do it for the love, and I will do it lovingly.

I give up the only impulse that ever gets me in trouble: the drive to strive, to earn my place, like, ON THE PLANET. Because I am really here. And I’m not giving up.

Danielle LaPorte is an invited member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100, a group who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.” She is author of White Hot Truth: Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path—from one seeker to another. The Fire Starter Sessions, and The Desire Map: A Guide To Creating Goals With Soul—the book that has been translated into 8 languages, evolved into a yearly day planner system, a top 10 iTunes app, and an international workshop program with licensed facilitators in 15 countries.

Named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, millions of visitors go to DanielleLaPorte.com every month for her daily #Truthbombs and what’s been called “the best place online for kickass spirituality.” A speaker, a poet, a painter, and a former business strategist and Washington-DC think tank exec, Entrepreneur Magazine calls Danielle, “equal parts poet and entrepreneurial badass…edgy, contrarian…loving and inspired.” Her charities of choice are Eve Ensler’s VDay: a global movement to end violence against women and girls, and charity: water, setting out to bring safe drinking water to everyone in the world. She lives in Vancouver, BC with her favourite philosopher, her son. You can find her @daniellelaporte and just about everywhere on social media.

The post What’s on Your List of Things to Give Up? Here’s a Peek at Mine. appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Stories made their appearance ever since the Early Humans roamed on Earth.

They left their tales in the caves of Lascaux, Chauvet and several other parts of the world. Their crude drawings of the animals, stick figures and abstract patterns are among the earliest examples of storytelling, which are left open for interpretation.

Just like these prehistoric paintings, stories from strangers stay with us. They help us find meaning to life and decipher the unseen.

I clearly remember the day I picked up Anne Frank’s diary from the local library as a kid because it left a profound impact. For me, it wasn’t a document of World War II. I read it as a series of real-life stories written by a girl in a distant land recounting her struggle to maintain normality in troubled times. Over the years, I have read the book countless times and experienced the same emotions repeatedly. This made me realize that stories are all about experiencing life vicariously and forming bonds with the people, places, and objects in them.

Why do we relate to stories so much? Why do we retain them for years? What makes people react to stories?

Psychology provides the explanation.

Stories and the Human Psychology

The connection between stories and human psychology has been the subject of numerous studies. In fact, according to a study published by psychology researcher Dan Johnson revealed that reading fiction significantly increased empathy towards others. That explains why we feel one with the characters in literary fiction be it Dorothy, Snape, Frodo, Howard Roark or David Copperfield and the rest. It also holds true for allegorical stories akin to The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood and George Orwell’s Animal Farm that draw parallels between reality and fiction.

In 1944, experimental psychologists Fritz Heider and Marianne Simmel instructed undergraduate subjects at Smith College to see a short film. In the movie, with two triangles and a circle moved across the screen while a rectangle remained stationary on one side. Upon asking what they say, 33 out of 34 students created a narrative of their own. It was just one student, who maintained that the screen had geometrical shapes. This is a classic example depicting how the human brain is hardwired to relate to stories.

Additionally, studies have proven that stories are 22 times more memorable than facts. In December 2013, neuroscientists at Emory University demonstrated that how reading a story activates the left temporal cortex, which is a neural change that lasts for quite a few days. This explains why stories are memorable.

Another study by Paul Zak, the director of the Center for Neuroeconomic Studies at Claremont Graduate School, concluded that people are motivated by stories and are persuaded to act. He conducted experiments in which he tested blood samples of people post a storytelling session. It was about a father and his terminally ill child. The blood tests showed an increase in the cortisol and oxytocin levels, which are associated with stress and empathy respectively. The study participants were later invited to a children’s charity. There it was observed that those with raised levels of cortisol and oxytocin were the ones who were more likely to donate!

So, What Makes The Stories of Strangers Click?

In Mad Men, the creative director Don Draper pitches Kodak’s slide projector the Carousel as a “nostalgia machine”. He uses his creative acumen and private photographs, a collage of his personal moments, to sell the idea to the clients.

A part of that pitch left an everlasting impression on the clients (and on me). “Teddy told me that in Greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound”. It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone.”

Likewise, most of the stories that we see, read and love, belong to someone else. Take for example the Humans of New York photography project, which inspired millions with the micro-stories of strangers. Similarly, think of vignettes, long-form write-ups, photo essays and social media posts. These new-age storytelling formats seldom fail to pull at the heartstrings with their exceptional narratives.

These stories of people unknown to you take you down the memory lanes, to roads you once traveled. Alternatively, they could just take you to the future, to paths you are yet to explore. These are the stories that cut through the noise and keep us hooked.

Either way, stories of strangers also aid in self-discovery as exemplified by the Strangers Project. The project is a collection of thousands of anonymous handwritten stories from random strangers, written on the spot and makes you think – “Hey, that’s exactly what I feel, think or say all the time!”

Similarly, an Australian woman has been collecting notes left by strangers for 12 years. And these notes have a story of their own!

Winner of the MacArthur Genius Award Edwidge Danticat addressed the importance of storytelling in a 90-minute presentation in the Bucknell Forum speaker series. “Stories keep us alive and our loved ones alive, our memories alive,” she said. “Hearing other peoples’ stories can help us shape our own stories.”

Her words echoed twice recently.

• When I read the soul-stirring Thanksgiving in Mongolia by Ariel Levy about her personal tragedy.
• When I saw Sea Prayer penned by Khaled Hosseini to commemorate the second anniversary of the poignant death of Alan Kurdi.

In short, stories that come from strangers offer a cathartic experience that otherwise can’t be replicated.

Conclusion

Stories that stem from real-world experiences add authenticity and assist you in finding a common ground with the people whose stories you stumble upon. You start gaining inspiration and deriving hope from their experiences. Sooner or later, they help you become better versions of yourselves.

All said and done, give me a captivating story from a stranger. I would love to hear, read and explore it any day!

Brian Zeng is the owner of Ponbee.com. He is an entrepreneur by spirit. Through Ponbee, Brian would like to share his insights on an array of topics related to personal growth, wellness, productivity and motivation. His recent post on benefits of practicing mindfulness-enhancing exercises will give you detailed insights into how they reduce stress and improve concentration.

Image courtesy of Pexels.

The post Finding Solace in the Stories of Strangers appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Time is called the illusion, yet it’s an essential one . . . this necessity is all part of an assignment you have here on this world, third planet in line from the Sun of this space.

You’ve been on many planets, around many suns with the times you’ve lived through. In reference to this space you currently occupy — as the planetary locations, known to astrology, pass through your point of perception — a circular motion begins repeating without any obvious repetitions . . . the circular nature the proprioception perceives, delivers a sensation that each moment is new, but it’s not . . . it’s always been here. You can test this reality to no avail, for as Einstein demonstrated in ‘Relativity’, when there’s no reference outside your perception, you’re locked into the illusion you’re alluding to . . . you are who you think you are, and experiencing what you believe you are.

This is what’s called ‘Maya’ in ancient Sanskrit . . . the illusion that’s projected through your system; then reflected back into it to be experienced. A hologram, within a hologram, within a hologram — repeating at what quantum physics conjectures to be twenty-seven levels.

The purpose of accessing your higher awareness, through the art and science of meditations, is to gain access to codes at the center of this holographic equation. At the center point — with sufficient training and discipline — you’re able to alter the projections, reflections and receptions . . . the entire experience is then in your hands. This is what’s meant by the old spiritual song, “He’s got the whole wide world . . . in his hands.” For when you have this power of access, you’re able to produce true alchemy right there in your hands.

Our prayer is that you hold the whole world in your hands, and compassionately work with this daily; that you offer a helping hand to all those who need a hand, and serve who they are, wherever and whoever they are.

Guru Singh is a world-renowned yoga instructor, author, musician, and family man. Guru Singh works with the Dalai Lama, teaches with Tony Robbins, and has recorded an album with Grammy® Award-winning artist Seal. He can also be found on Facebook and Twitter.

Check out Guru Singh’s most recent book: Buried Treasures: The Journey From Where You Are to Who You Are.

Image courtesy of Cristian Ismael Martínez Nieto.

The post It’s All in Your Hands appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Feeling safe at home is important, especially during times of uncertainty and seasonal change. Strengthening our soul connection to our home may not be easy, but can be done. How?

Wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever your views, an uncertain world can impact you, too.

Feeling safe in an unsafe world

Political and social uncertainty can lead to heightened emotions of fear, panic, vulnerability, anger, hatred, hysteria and more. These emotions eat away at our energies and in themselves carry negative energy, which can cause depression and anxiety. Often we are left extra alert and unbalanced.

Feeling safe when seasonal change is happening

Changes in the seasons can also impact us in many ways:

Socially, because of a change in activities.

Relationally, because we may spend more or less time at home with relatives and friends, which can cause friction.

Physically because of a change in diet, room temperature, more flu bugs etc going around, which can impact our general health, weight, skin, digestion and more.

Financially with higher seasonal expenses.

Emotionally, if we are affected by SAD (seasonal affective disorder), seasonal (including summer) depression, conflict in the home, loneliness, boredom, general dissatisfaction.

Feeling safe at home

When the prospect of spending more time at home during the dark and cold season is daunting, it is important to do something about it.

Could this be an opportunity for some positive changes at home?

Depending on your circumstances you may think this is wishful thinking and impossible to achieve. You may not feel well and have financial, physical or emotional challenges in your life. Everything is just too much and too daunting.

Indeed, you may not feel safe or have no positive connection to our own home – the location and environment, the neighbours, the people you live with, loneliness at home, history and memories, or just the feeling of too much or too little space.

Nevertheless, and especially then, is it important for us and our home to feel part of and not separate from a greater context of life: especially the seasons, nature and life around us.

At a time of great vulnerability it may not be easy to step up beyond our fear, grief, frustration and anger:

Our bodies and our homes may not feel safe and welcoming at all.

Not feeling safe at home can unsettle us in our ‘self’ down to ‘the core’, which some call ‘soul’.

We may feel ‘homeless’ in our own home.

We may lose the soul connection to our home and to our self.

At such times we have to make a conscious effort to reclaim our home and our self, in our mind and in our heart.

What can you do to feel safer at home?

We all are connected at any given time to a world and life that is beyond our own immediate circumstances. To connect with that reality can make us feel stronger.

A few rituals and mindful changes in your home may help you reclaim, strengthen and hold onto a connection between yourself and your home.

The following suggestions are just some examples and you may be inspired to come up with your own ideas, that fit in with your mood, reality and lifestyle. Feeling safe at home is individual and unique to you.

Cleanse your home physically. We do spring cleaning and clearing out. Why not do the same to let go of the old and welcome the new season?

Cleanse your home spiritually. This can be done in many ways, depending on your preferences and beliefs with prayer, affirmations, sounds, dance, burning of incense and so much more.

Create a place of light, ideally a light that is left on all day and night (like a battery powered tea light which is safe and comparatively cheap). The light is symbolic of the connection of life between you and your home. The light welcomes you home and stays behind when you leave. It is a predictable constant.

Decorate at least one corner of your home with some seasonal offerings from nature. It does not need to be anything grand or expensive – a cone, a leaf, a branch, a chestnut etc. You can combine this with the light and again reinforce your sense of connection to nature, the seasons, life around and beyond you.

Welcome your self and your troubled soul into your home.

When we feel overwhelmed we need more space and less clutter. @KarinSieger (Click to Tweet!)

Be in tune with the changing seasons.

As you re-tune and recharge your home to the season and make it a welcoming space also pay attention to re-tuning yourself to the season when you are outdoors: noticing the colours, air, smells, temperatures and sounds.

We are absorbing stimuli and energy all of the time, some more or less helpful, some very toxic, some nurturing and healing. By recharging yourself you will automatically recharge the place you live in.

When others are not supportive

Depending on your living arrangements you may feel this all difficult to achieve. Especially, if others frown upon these suggestions.

These homecoming rituals can be discreet, very personal and subtle. Your attitude and open heart matters more than gestures.

To keep feeling safe at home when the world is uncertain, we all need to work on affirming and stabilising who we are.

It may not change the world the way we would like it to be, but it will help us to live more firmly in a changing world.

Originally published on KarinSieger.com.

Karin Sieger is a psychotherapist and writer based in London, UK. Central to her work is the belief that we all have an intuitive wisdom for self development and emotional healing. Making and living in peace with our self is core to living well and coping with personal crises. Karin is particularly interested in anxiety, loss, transitions and the emotional impact of chronic or life-shortening illnesses like cancer, for which she has been treated herself. Karin posts regularly on her website KarinSieger.com. You can sign up for her Newsletter, follow her on Twitter or Facebook.

The post Reclaim Your Home and Soul appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Do you feel like you are constantly seeking? Seeking the truth from healers, psychics, and gurus? Seeking to be more loving? Seeking to be more harmonious?

What if you have all the answers within you? What if you could stop seeking from other people and start seeking within?

Today I’m talking with my good friend, bestselling author, speaker, and blogger, Danielle LaPorte, about her brand new book baby, White Hot Truth: Clarity for Keeping it Real on Your Spiritual Path from One Seeker to Another. This book is ahead of its time and exactly what we need right now. It is chock full of hilarious & honest stories, observations, and wisdom from Danielle’s experience that resonates deeply.

For every reader, White Hot Truth begs the question: Are the things you are doing to make you well and free actually making you well and free? Or is it just another big stick that you can use to beat yourself up with? This book instructs us on how to ask better questions and allow self-compassion to guide our choices.

Listen now for my full interview with Danielle LaPorte and to learn that it’s not about how we seek spiritual fulfillment, but why we seek it.

Plus, join Danielle’s White Hot Truth book club, completely FREE right now and grab your own copy of WHT here! As Danielle says in the interview, her mission is to bring Light to as many people as possible, which means lots of freebies (FREE 18 video series + written material by joining the book club!) and wonderful conversations about finding your own White Hot Truth. Turn your self-criticism into self-love and join the liberation celebration!

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.

The post Discussing White Hot Truth with Danielle LaPorte appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Halloween – a day where being scared is fun and actually intended. Ghosts and goblins may spook us but only temporarily because logically we know it’s just pretend! Fake fear can be fun, but the real fear we experience, the kind that haunts us throughout the year, is definitely not so fun.

But what if most of the fear that you do experience was not real? What if the things that scare you are just pretend?

We actually feel the true emotion of fear when something unexpectedly scares us and triggers our fight-or-flight response. Back in the caveman days, we needed the feeling of fear so that if a herd of tigers started coming at us, it would trigger fear and alert us to RUN.

In modern times we rarely find ourselves in these types of fight-or-flight situations, so most of the fear we experience is something we create with our minds. We manufacture fear by asking ourselves the question, “What if?” and then following it with something negative or a worst-case scenario.

We scare ourselves with questions like: What if it doesn’t work out like I want, what if I fail, what if I lose, what if I get hurt, what if I can’t handle it, what if I get rejected? Do any of these “what if” questions sound familiar to you? If they do, you are spooking yourself unnecessarily. You have absolutely no proof that any of your what if statements are accurate because you are just making it all up!

Natural fear protects us and teaches us courage (read more about that here), but manufactured fear is worthless. So if you are going to manufacture “what if” statements at least make them good! Consider: What if it works out even better than I want, what if I rock it, what if I learn an amazing lesson, what if I fall in love, what if I discover an amazing amount of strength, or what if a miracle occurs?

Natural fear protects us but manufactured fear is worthless. @ChristinHassler (Click to Tweet!)

Doesn’t that feel and sound so much better!?!?!

Save the pretend fear for Halloween.

Stop creating unreal fear that is really stopping you from either taking action or experiencing peace, inspiration and faith.

Love,
Christine

P.S. I have a new podcast where I coach people LIVE on the air. Head over to Over it and On With It and listen in for inspiration and action steps.

Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.

Image courtesy of Kristina Paukshtite.

The post What If It Was All Made Up? appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Halloween treats! So colorful, so ubiquitous, so fun, so bite-sized…Halloween a major source of temptation for children and adults alike.

As I know from writing Better Than Before, my book about habit change, eating healthfully is one of the most popular habits that people try to cultivate — and Halloween is a challenging time to stick to good eating habits.

In Better Than Before, I suggest many ways we can resist the temptation of mini-candy-bars, bags of candy-corn, beautifully decorated cupcakes and cookies, and so on. In particular, it’s useful to harness the strength (and buttress the weakness) of our Tendency.

As a side note, for my whole life, I had a tremendous sweet tooth. I couldn’t resist candy, cookies, ice cream, anything sweet. It was such a relief when I figured out that I’m an “Abstainer,” who finds it far easier to avoid sweets altogether instead of trying to eat in moderation. So now I eat no Halloween candy, ever. That’s what works for me! If you want to read more about that, I discuss it here.

To beat Halloween candy, I tapped into my Abstainer side. But another great tool is to think about your Tendency.

Don’t know your Tendency — whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel? Take the quiz here (more than a million people have taken the quiz!).

Once you know your Tendency, consider these strategies — and of course, a strategy suggested for a different Tendency might work well for you, too. Use anything that works!

Harness Your Tendency

Obliger: Obligers respond to outer accountability. That’s the key for Obligers. So take steps to give yourself outer accountability for not eating Halloween candy.

• Announce, “I’m not going to eat any Halloween candy this year” in front of everyone. (This strategy works well for my sister Elizabeth, who is an Obliger.)
• If you dip into your kids’ candy stash while they’re at school (something I used to do often, until I quit sugar), ask your children to catalog all their candy, and to keep track of how much they have. My daughters, at least, loved to count and sort their candy, so this would’ve been a fun task for them. Then your children will know if you’ve been sneaking mini-Snickers when they’re not around.
• Think about your future self. Now-Gretchen wants to eat that cupcake, but Future-Gretchen will be disappointed that she ate so many sweets. Resist now, because you’re accountable to your future-self.
• Consider your duty to be a role model of healthy eating for your children, your sweetheart, your co-workers.
• Join an Accountability Group — you can easily do join a group on my app, the Better app.

Questioner: Questioners respond to justifications. They tend to love to track and monitor. They benefit from clarity.

• Keep count of exactly how many Halloween treats you’ve eaten. One easy way: keep the wrappers in a pile in front of you.
• Convert Halloween candy into ordinary candy. If you wouldn’t go into a store, buy two Kit-Kats, and eat them, why would you eat six mini-Kit-Kats?
• Reflect on all the reasons you have for wanting to eat more healthfully: your energy, your weight, wanting to avoid stimulating cravings, etc. Skipping the treats makes sense to you.
• Focus on efficiency. It’s not efficient to try to eat healthfully for so many days, and then to go into a long period where you’re not eating the way that you know is best for you.

Rebel: Rebels respond to choice, freedom, and identity. Focus on these aspects by reminding yourself:

• “I’m not addicted to sugar. I can take it or leave it.”
• “I respect my body, I choose to eat healthy, fresh foods. This processed candy and this fancy packaging can’t control me, it can’t tempt me to eat it.”
• “My kids think I can’t resist indulging. Oh yeah? Watch me!”

Upholder: Upholders respond to outer and inner expectations. For them, it’s helpful to articulate clearly the nature of those expectations.

• What is the right amount of Halloween treats for you?
• When and where will you indulge in those Halloween treats?
• Remind yourself of how great it feels to stick to expectations.

Habit Strategies

To be sure, it’s tough to fight the lure of Halloween. Other strategies you might consider, in addition to the power of your Tendency:

• the Strategy of Inconvenience: make it very tough to get to that Halloween candy, say, put it in a bag, tightly close the bag, put the bag in a plastic container with a tight seal, and place the container on a high shelf.
• the Strategy of Loophole-Spotting: stay alert for loopholes you might invoke, such as the Lack of Control loophole (“With all this candy in the office, who can resist?”); the Planning to Fail loophole (“I bought my three big bags of candy for the neighborhood kids two weeks before Halloween, and put the candy in the bowls for decoration, and now I keep sneaking candy throughout the day”); the Concern for Others loophole (“I’m at your Halloween party, and it will hurt your feelings if I don’t eat some of your pumpkin cookies”); the Tomorrow Loophole (“It doesn’t matter what I eat today, because starting tomorrow, I’m going to eat so healthfully.”)
• the Strategy of Safeguards: think of possible temptations, so you can make if-then plans to withstand them. “If the office kitchen is full of Halloween treats, I’ll stay out of there as much as possible.” “If I go to a Halloween party, I’ll stand very far from dessert-laden table.” “I’ve gone fifteen days without sugar, I don’t want to break the chain.”
• the Strategy of Abstaining: Personally, this is what works for me — but the Strategy of Abstaining doesn’t work for everyone. Figure out if, in this context, you’re an Abstainer or a Moderator. I’m a moderator for wine, for instance, but an Abstainer for sweets.

Do you find Halloween a time of temptation, or can you enjoy it healthfully? If you find it difficult to resist the lure of all those delightful treats, what helps you stick to your healthy habits?

Gretchen Rubin is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller The Happiness Project—an account of the year she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier—and the recently released Happier at Home and Better Than Before. On her popular blog, The Happiness Project, she reports on her daily adventures in the pursuit of happiness. For more doses of happiness and other happenings, follow Gretchen on Facebook and Twitter.

Image courtesy of silviarita.

The post Fighting Halloween Temptation? Tap into the Power of the Four Tendencies. appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

I do a lot of traveling for business and pleasure. I am spending a TON of time on planes these days racking up the frequent flyer miles! We own a beach house in San Diego county now, so in addition to business travel and all the cool trips doTERRA takes us on, we are flying down there quite often as well now.

On the business side, I love spending time face-to-face with my leaders so I often fly out to visit them from my home in Boulder, CO to their hometowns across the big Atlantic pond or the Pacific sea. Not to mention the conferences and fun events I’ve been attending all over my own country! Planes, trains, and automobiles.

By the time you read this, I’ll just be returning from eight days in Europe, including stops in Romania, the Netherlands, and the U.K. It turned out to be an awesome trip, however, I have to admit, the days leading into it were agonizing.

You might wonder why. Travel should come easily to a seasoned globetrotter like me, shouldn’t it? Well….

I’ll just come right out and say it. Long trips stress me out.

Even though I am super organized and really have my act together weeks before a trip, and I have an amazing support team that helps me prepare, I get nervous.  Yes, even me. I really have to pay attention to what I am creating in my mind or anxiety sets in.

Like when I travel to a foreign country, even though it might not make sense, I’m afraid my phone won’t work. And what if I can’t log onto the Internet? Google maps? Connecting with the people I’m there to see? Checking in on my virtual back office?

I often feel lost without the ability to communicate. So I have to watch my thoughts otherwise I stress way in advance about things like this.

What if I miss my flight?

What if the airline loses my luggage?  

What about my driver? Can I trust him?

What if I can’t find things I want to eat?

What if I can’t adjust to the time zone and I’m exhausted?

What if my American sense of humor doesn’t translate across cultures?

It’s not the circumstances that are making me stress out. They don’t even exist. It’s what my mind is doing that drives me friggin’ batty. Yes, it’s the thoughts I’m creating about my circumstances.

This happens all the time, so on this last trip, I decided I was going to be in control of my thoughts before they pushed me somewhere I didn’t want to go.

So what did I do? I changed my thoughts around the experiences I was telling myself I was going to have. I knew that I could create whatever experience I wanted.

Makes sense, right?

The first thing I did was stop coming down so hard on myself for being concerned. I am allowed to get nervous, just like anybody else. With all the stuff going on in my business right now, traveling just adds another element to the mix.

My new thoughts:

I’m going to be a little nervous when traveling. I’ll just watch it unfold. 

I’ve taken care of all the details of my trip and set up safety nets in case of emergency. (Like, having my assistant email all information to me in case I can’t download it when I get where I am going.)

 I will get through customs just fine.

 No, they won’t take my essential oils in customs.

 Its okay if I eat eight rolls on the plane because I hate the food.

 Its okay if I watch three movies instead of trying to sleep. I’m going to be exhausted no matter what.

I can always buy new clothes if my luggage is delayed. (BUMMER)   

I know exactly where I am supposed to go when I land. I am safe and secure and ready to have fun.

I’ve planned for comfortable travel time between destinations so if a situation comes up that delays me, I’ll have plenty of time to get where I am going.

What experiences are you creating with your thoughts? Pay attention to the thoughts you’re having and if they aren’t leading where you want to go, decide to have new thoughts.

Yep, that simple.

Hayley Hobson is an author, speaker, Kick-A$$ Business Guru, 7 Figure MOM-treprenuer. and passionate about empowering others to live the life of their dreams and is based in Boulder, CO. Hayley creates lifestyle transformations by coaching her clients to become the best WHOLE version of themselves possible. To learn more about her nutritional courses, events, and custom programs, visit hayleyhobson.com or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

The post What Are You Thinking into Existence? appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Who is the True you? Your True Self is YOU in another consciousness level where you only believe in Abundance, Joy, Love, and Bliss. Your True Self is on a consciousness level where you can see the life of the physical you and overview everything that has happened and potentially can happen.

You are nothing but Love for yourself and everything around you. And the only thing you do is communicate with the you on this physical plane to help YOU (and itself therefore) transform and grow into the True Self that you are.

This communication happens the entire time in the form of hunches, intuition, and emotions. It is You from a higher point of view communicating with yourself in a “lower” level of consciousness.

Where we are, in this physical body and on this physical plane, we can see and sense as much as our physical body can handle. We are limited by our mind and the limiting beliefs we hold onto. But Our True Self isn’t. Our True Self is free from all these limitations.

The only thing your True Self wants for itself (thus for you in this physical body) is to become more of itself (the True Self). So if you want to be your True Self more, start to listen to yourself more and more.

And here’s how to do that.

Everything in your life happens and has happened to help you learn the lessons to become more of your true Self.

The good, the bad, and the ugly have all been there for you to learn to TRUST yourself and to SURRENDER to what’s best for you. Not what you THINK is best for you, but what you FEEL is best for you.

It’s easier to see the benefits of the good stuff in your life, but the bad stuff has benefits as well because that too is in your best interest so you can transform your limiting beliefs about yourself and the world.

Your emotions are your guidance system to become more of your True Self

With your emotions, your True Self is communicating with your physical self, with YOU. When things don’t feel good, they’re not good for you. It’s that simple. If it feels good for you then it’s what’s right for you.

For you to navigate your emotions it’s best to be authentic and honest with yourself. Sometimes something might feel good because you’re avoiding something you’re scared of. In this case, you’re kidding yourself. Be honest with yourself.

Learn to Trust

It is difficult to trust that what’s happening in your life is in your best interest. Especially when these events and experiences are scary or painful. But still, they are in your best interest. They are there for you to learn to trust intuition (Your True Self communicating with you). To follow what’s best for you and not what you THINK is best or what other people THINK is best for you, but what FEELS best for you to do.

Being the real you means trusting yourself. This implies you let go of what you think is right for you and learn to follow what feels good.

Because through your feelings, emotions, and intuition, your True Self, coming from a higher consciousness level, guides you through your life. What our True Self knows from its higher consciousness level is something we can never grasp from our consciousness level in our physical body. That’s why it’s so important to trust your True Self and listen to what feels good for you.

Carmen Smallegange is a coach specialized in uncovering and transforming limiting beliefs. Using her own life lessons she shines a new and fresh light on negative experiences to empower others to do the same and to acknowledge and step into their own amazing potential. You can get her free workbook on how to transform your fears or follow her on Facebook.

Image courtesy Irene Dávila.

The post How to Be the Real You. Your True Self Explained (+Actionable Tips)! appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Somewhere, someone is doing something that got your attention, inciting you into action.

Somewhere, someone is:

• Taking your share
• Wasting an opportunity
• Cutting ahead in line
• Suffering at the hands of bully
• Invading your territory
• Announcing a deadline
• Sharing breaking news
• Disrespecting your tribe
• Going hungry
• Whispering juicy gossip
• Misinterpreting your words
• Not being offered an opportunity
• Libeling a cause you believe in
• Living with loneliness
• Promising a shortcut
• The victim of cruelty
• Being cruel
• Giving something away
• Picking winners
• Asking for help

Which of these is your kind of urgent, a chance to take umbrage or perhaps, a call to action?

Which one turns our heads, gets our attention and breaks our rhythm?

We notice what we care about and work hard to ignore the rest.

You can change what you care about by changing what you notice. @ThisIsSethsBlog (Click to Tweet!)

*Originally published on sethgodin.typepad.com.

Seth Godin has written eighteen books that have been translated into more than thirty languages. Every one has been a bestseller. He writes about the post-industrial revolution, the way ideas spread, marketing, quitting, leadership, and, most of all, changing everything.

Image courtesy of Matheus Bertelli.

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After 11 years together, my wife and I finally had the perfect fight.

My apologies if you are hoping for a description of a fight with brilliant Hollywood witticisms being tossed back and forth while clothes are chucked out the window with Michael Jackson’s Heal the World being sung in the background by a children’s choir.

That would be pretty perfect… for a movie depicting emotionally damaged people with no self control, and who don’t care about making the problem a whole lot worse.

The truth is the best fight is filled with self control, like caramel in a Caramilk bar.

The perfect fight essentially requires two people to be acting against their preferred reactionary behavior.

You know how you feel like yelling? Don’t.

Ranting and raving? Never.

Hit each other with pool noodles? Um… probably best not to.

So what does the perfect fight look like? Let me explain…

This situation begins with my wife and I at my mom’s house. Everyone else had left the weekly family dinner (I highly recommend weekly family dinners for families who want to be close), and my wife and I were talking with my mom.

At one point I said something that led to a normal conversation with my mom, but I could feel something change in my wife; it was like I had just turned on the switch for anger.

Guys know that moment. You’re not sure why, but you can feel a cold front has arrived.

After my mom finished adding her thoughts to my comment, my wife said it was time for her to go. She had her own car, so she left, and after a few minutes I followed. On my way home I tried to think of what I had said to change the mood and I had an idea, but it seemed pretty dumb to me.

When I walked in the house, it was like Elsa from Frozen had been there.

What did I want to say? I’m ready to listen and apologize?

No freak’n chance.

I sooo wanted to yell, “I know you’re angry, but this is stupid. You’re overreacting… like always.”

Guess how that would end? Not well… unless you’re watching it from a distance and want to see a guy get his head ripped off like a human size prey mantis.

Instead I said, “I’m guessing you’re angry at the thing I said.”

My wife’s response was very good and controlled, “I’m so angry; I can’t even talk to you.”

And what did I want to say to this, “Take as much time as you need to calm down, and I’ll patiently wait for you”?

Nope. I’m a chaser and want to fix things right away, so my natural reaction was to want to chase her and force her to talk.

Guess how that would end? Not happily ever after.

Fortunately, I bit my tongue, made a rude comment about her in my head like, “You’re too angry to talk to me… I should make you this angry more often,” which made me giggle to myself… I think I’m clever.

I then distracted myself with some paperwork while my wife got ready for bed, and then watched TV. After about two and half hours, my wife came in and calmly said, “I was hurt because you said something that I didn’t want anyone to know, and I thought you knew that.”

My wife presented herself perfectly. She had gotten rid of enough emotion in order to share why she was upset in one clear sentence and in a controlled voice.

Too often, when we’re hurt, we ramble trying to get our point across, but the point gets lost in all the blah, blah,blah. Instead, she kept it simple and to the point, which made it easy for me to hear.

My response? I wanted to say, “But I didn’t actually give anything away. You always overreact because you’re too sensitive like a typical woman.”

Guess where that would’ve gotten me?  Yeah… reading this may make you want to punch me and you’re not even the person I’m talking to in this situation.

Instead, I used self control and said, “I know that’s a sensitive thing for you, and I’m sorry; I should have been more careful.”

I may not have agreed with her feelings, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t validate her and what she felt. I’d be a huge jerk to disregard her like that… you know, like my old self would (aka a typical inconsiderate guy).

When it comes to apologizing, I don’t have to agree; I just have to help her feel cared about. As the old adage goes, “You can be right, or you can be married.”

We may naturally want to prove our point, but that doesn’t help the situation. Instead, we need to help the other person feel cared about whether it’s for us to act like a good person or to simply reduce the risk of them attacking us.

After this short discussion, my wife and I did our devotional readings and went to bed feeling a bit better… emphasis on a bit. The next day I sent a follow up apology and we moved on. It was the perfect way to handle a disagreement because:

1. We used self control to not say whatever we felt like saying in the moment, which is never very nice.
2. We both offered the needed space to allow ourselves to calm down and be in a better spot for talking.
3. The hurt person shared the hurt in one clear sentence.
4. The other person (i.e. me) didn’t defend his behavior; he simply acknowledged what was said and apologized for hurting her feelings.
5. Do something after to distract yourself from the fight.
6. Send a follow up apology and/or note thanking the other person for how they handled the situation since it could’ve been worse. Unless you’re dead, it could’ve been worse.
7. Let it go. There will always be another reason to fight later, so why hold onto an old situation?
8. BONUS TIP: You don’t have to be sorry for what you did, but you should be sorry for hurting the person.

This week may you not have to have a fight, but if you do, may it be the perfect fight where both sides feel heard and cared about.

Chad Tomlinson, MTS, MEd, MA, Rev, is an award winning therapist and published author who writes weekly blogs as a way to share the lessons he learns and is reminded of because we are all on a journey. He is a big fan of the power of humor (when appropriate) because he believes it helps people see the good in life, which adds to the healing.

The post The Perfect Fight appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

When we come to this world, we know nothing. In the universe of a child, there are no norms to follow, no rigid rules and regulations; there’s real freedom. Children are born free spirits. The way we think and behave as adults is shaped by our environment: family, school, religion and political system. Let’s be honest with this one: we are all brainwashed; only our schools were different.

From an early age, many of us got to hear about our weaknesses, shortcomings, flaws and (often perceived) limitations. Families, schooling systems were so much focused on the need for improvement, while very seldom (or never in some cases) acknowledging individual strengths, gifts, and talents. No wonder many of us had or still have to struggle with confidence issues and a low self-esteem.

From the Eastern-European society that shaped me, I have learned that beautiful means young and slim. As a grown-up woman, I ended up having a dissonant relationship with my body for quite many years. I was obsessed with the size of my hips and always focusing on things I would have wanted to change in the way I looked.

Regarding dieting, I was an expert. I think I tried them all and that was a source of general stress and frustration. In case you’ve ever considered trying out the “three times a day cabbage soup,“ please don’t do that to yourself. Ever.

As a child, I used to think I was stupid only because my brain couldn’t cope with physics and math. I was passionate about literature, foreign languages, music, and arts, but that wasn’t a sign of brilliance in my culture. Much later, I perceived myself as not good enough or average, somehow smart but not intelligent, and I developed a strong need for perfection.

And here I am, almost 40 and still reading about self-improvement and infinite ways for me to become my Best Self. With so much need for improvement in the personal development industry, I wonder when I am ever supposed to turn into the best version of myself and find peace.

While I am aware there are things I need to work on (talk less and listen more, act less on an impulse and get more grounded, do less and be more and so on), I have decided to stop running this tiring race towards self-improvement. I think that’s a trap.

If I am to spend my precious time waiting to grow into my best Self, I will always feel incomplete. There will always be something to change, add, fix or transform so that I could finally feel whole and complete.

I stopped projecting my journey into the future, with the intention to create a perfect persona I was supposed to become. Instead, I am going back to my childhood and the very first years of my life, when I was able to find complete happiness and freedom.

Return to those times when anything felt possible, and I was whole and enough, as I was.

Here’s how my life looked like when I was a child:

1. I used to love myself unconditionally.

I can’t recall myself being concerned with any aspects of my body. I didn’t care my hips were too big or my hair was too thin. I didn’t judge myself as imperfect, less intelligent or too fat. I was a happy child, filled up with positive energy and hunger for life. Someone once called me Smiley. I used to spend much time laughing, playing and having fun.

“My inner child knows how perfect she is. I hold this child close to my heart and tell her how much I love her.” – Louise Hay

2. I used to live in the Now.

I can recall how present I was while playing with other children. At the time, I didn’t live in the past (in my “story”), because I didn’t have any. I didn’t live in the future either unless people were asking what I would want to be when I grew up. I had an extraordinary ability to dream and allow myself be whatever I wanted to.

Whenever I wanted to be a doctor, I was one. If I wanted to be a teacher, I was one. I was even a ballerina one day and a singer, in front of my neighbors and more.

I was too busy playing with other children and enjoying life, so I had no time for imaginary worries, problems and fears that never happened.

“Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; today is a gift; that’s why we call it present.” – Unknown 

3. I used to express my needs and emotions.

In my world, full of playfulness, creativity, and fun, things were straightforward and clear. Whenever I was hungry, I made sure my mother knew about that. When I was afraid, sad or upset, I said so. Whenever I wanted anything, I said so.

In this open communication space, there was no room for mind-reading or making assumptions. I didn’t claim I knew what other people felt or thought. If anything was unclear, I asked. I didn’t let my mind play with me and create scenarios about what other people had in their minds or hearts because I knew I wasn’t them.

Life, in fact, was quite simple, and the more I started to grow into an adult, the stronger my need to complicate it.

“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

4. I didn’t worry about what other people think.

I’ll be brutally honest with this one: right from my very first years in school, there were quite a few situations when I didn’t dare to ask questions, especially when there was something I didn’t know. The truth is I didn’t want to look less intelligent or stupid in front of others. Teachers became an early symbol of authority, and I was afraid of punishment for getting bad grades.

Much later, at work, I was still trapped into this behavior. I didn’t feel comfortable to openly admit I didn’t hold all the answers and I still had to learn. I wanted people to perceive me as an expert, super smart, invincible and strong.

But that’s not who I was as a child. Not even close. At the time, I didn’t have to wear any masks and pretend; there was no need for people pleasing so that people would like me more. I loved and approved of myself as I was, and other people’s opinion or validation of me was neither required or needed.

I dared to ask questions with genuine curiosity as if I knew nothing: How do you do that? What does this mean? How does this work? Can you show me how to do this?

As most children, my ability to learn foreign languages was much higher than in high school because I didn’t care about spelling and complicate grammar or pronunciation rules. I just talked and gave it a try.

“To now what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge.” – Confucius

5. I was brave.

Believe me or not, but I do recall the moment I made my first step. It was in my grandparent’s house, in the living room. I can see myself falling on that blue carpet as if it was yesterday. And there’s another thing I remember: that I wasn’t afraid.

I think fear is a learned practice. Children are not afraid of trying, failing and getting up on their feet again. That’s how we get to learn how to walk! When they make the first step, I bet they don’t call themselves names or punish themselves if they fall. They rise up and give it a new try. They are not afraid to step outside of their comfort zone and try out new experiences. They keep going.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.” – Marianne Williamson

No matter how our life journey looks like today, there’s still a little child inside ourselves. A loving soul who wants the best for us and loves us unconditionally.

Let us remember our true nature, grow young, return to innocence and reconnect with who we really are.

And now, I would like to hear from you. Look back on your childhood and meet with that little girl or that little boy you were once. What would you like them to know?

Sara Fabian is a Women’s Empowerment & Career Coach and inspirational speaker, on a mission to help professional women to discover their unique strengths, gifts and talents, boost their confidence, find their calling and live a meaningful life of purpose. For weekly inspiration, subscribe to her free newsletter at www.sarafabiancoaching.com or follow her on Facebook.

Image courtesy of Porapak Apichodilok.

The post Growing Young and Finding Who We Are appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

It is no secret that ‘thin is in’ nowadays. That being thin and sexy defines a woman’s beauty. Circumstances were different in my case because I became overweight due to indulging in cravings and comfort foods when I was overcome with stress. I started lowering my food intake and did some exercises.

But then, I became more miserable because I couldn’t keep my exercise routine because of school, working at my Aunt’s store and responsibilities at home. Because of that I resorted to stress eating. In short, all the things fell apart when I was about to progress. Depressed, I gave up and resigned myself that I would be fat no matter what forever.

However, my view about it changed. It wasn’t instant though. It was a gradual change. Day by day, I realized that blaming myself won’t make anything change and it won’t make me feel any better.

The reasons I stopped blaming myself for being overweight are:

I Stopped Thinking That A Perfect Life Requires A Slim Body

It all started with the image that I’ve had embedded in my head ever since I was young and heavily influenced by romance novels. The image of having a perfect body will mean a perfect love, a perfect life and a perfect happy ending.

But that got me thinking. Those are fairy tales and they are labeled ‘fiction’ for a reason. I may have been young when I had painted that image in my head and I am a bit guilty of letting it be. I never expected it to affect me as I got older. Since I just let it stay put, it slowly festered in my subconscious and poisoned my beliefs in a subtle way.

So there and then, I banished my fairy tale expectations of the future and settled in the present. After that, I finally felt at peace with myself. It was finally letting go of something that I know I couldn’t reach but I was just too stubborn to see it. I wasn’t expecting that that little fascination of mine when I was young would be able to grow into a hindrance for me today.

I Acknowledged That I Have More Beauty In Me Than Just My Body Image

As I let go of my fantasy self: the sexy, flawless, confident, strong-minded me, I made acquaintance with my genuine self: the overweight, slightly shy, crazy, insecure me.

I found out she wasn’t that bad, actually. My genuine me may be overweight but she is sweet and kind. She may be insecure but she is friendly and brainy. She may not really be strong-minded but she is talented and has a great sense of humor. There I found out that for every flaw I have there are two good qualities that counter it. So I stopped counting all of my bad qualities and strive to show more of my good qualities instead.

I may never banish all my flaws like I did with my fantasy me but that’s what makes my genuine me genuine. And the most important part of it all? My genuine me is real. And she is me and she is my inner beauty.

I Found That There Are People That Will Still Care For Me No Matter How I Look

Sometimes, it is normal for us to lose friendships and acquaintances in our lives due to several reasons, being overweight included. However, I found out that there are people who will still care and love you no matter how you look or weigh like.

A perfect love doesn’t revolve around how pretty or how sexy you are. It revolves around the feelings of affection to the whole being of that person. It also opened my eyes at how ridiculous I even imagined achieving a perfect body that will give me a perfect yet superficial life.

Here, I found out which people loved me and cared for me for being me and which who cared and loved me for how I look. It was sad losing some friends but it was for the best that I get to know their affection for me wasn’t real. It was very comforting to know that I still am around the people who will accept me as a whole being, flaws and all.

I Found Out That Exercise Is Not A Chore And Can Be Done In Simple Ways

I always seem to have trouble finding time to do my exercise regime. I always thought that an effective and foolproof weight loss exercise should be those hour-long exercises that people really spend time on.

But that’s when I found out that that wasn’t the case. Exercise doesn’t mean that you have to produce gallons of sweat to declare that you’ve got a good exercise. Furthermore, exercise isn’t a chore that needs to be done every day. The best thing about exercise is it’s everywhere. It isn’t just present at the gym or at the track. It isn’t just done with some gym gear or sneakers.

Simple exercises are done even without us realizing it. The perfect example of that is walking. I didn’t realize that every time I am walking to work, I get exercise, walking off those calories and save money for commuting. Exercise isn’t a chore. It can be anything that we enjoy doing that could benefit us physically, emotionally and financially.

I Am Taking This All One Day At A Time

Coming to terms with all that’s bothering me about my weight made me feel more at peace with myself. It made me less depressed, less insecure and less stressed. I stopped blaming myself for gaining weight and I accepted myself no matter how I look or weigh.

However, that did not stop me from regulating my meals and doing simple exercises. It may not make me lose weight much but it doesn’t make me crazy and anxious about how  much I may weigh the next time. I learned the art of patience and that things will come to you in their own time without you rushing it.

I stopped my obsession with that perfect future I created for myself and decided to live in the now.

In The End, It Doesn’t Really Matter

What is really your purpose for losing weight? To be loved by others? To be beautiful? To be healthy?

All those expectations of the future, body image values and how other people will perceive you, all of those really don’t matter, actually. It all lies in you. What is important is your self-love and of you taking care of yourself.

For love is a powerful thing. If you love yourself, you take care of yourself and if you take care of yourself, you become healthy. Therefore, the trick is to get healthy and lose the unneeded weight caused by fat not lose weight to get healthy.

Live and love life. Relax. Breathe. And take it all one day at a time.

What do you think?

Kristine Ramos is an editor at scoopfed.com. She loves reading and writing and, of course, eating. If she is not reading or writing, she draws or plays video games. She mostly spends time with her pets or with a book in hand.

Image courtesy of Brandi Redd.

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